Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Horse meat and why it is good for you.

We have all heard the famous saying “we are what we eat” yet despite this we, as a species, seem to have grown accustomed to eating the losers of nature. Pigs. These despicable creatures are so horrid that apart from learning a few useful tricks like how to transform themselves into lovely bacon and delicious ham, they don’t seem to have any other discernible talents. Horses, on the other hand, are the athletes of nature; long favoured by humans as a means of transportation, sports companions, farming tools and ,my favourite, weapons of war. Horses have history. They have pedigree. It doesn't take a ton of imagination to picture those bits of horse meat inside your ham belonging to a relative of an elite warrior horse which participated in many glorious military conquests back in the day of empires. It does however take an ocean of creative juices and a megaton of imagination to picture a pig having any impact whatsoever in the history of the world. Pigs at best have always been peripheral to the development of our civilization. Yes they fed us but other than that they are a pretty useless species. So now that we have all got a real chance to eat horse meat, the meat with history and solid background, we ought to celebrate it. We should cherish the fact that, at last, our historical companions have finally found their way into our food chain and now have a real opportunity to contribute to our civilization through our digestive system. Mark my words this is just the beginning. Horses have always been conquerors by nature. They helped us conquer opposing armies. They helped us conquer the farm land. Then they conquered our hearts and now they have come to conquer our stomachs.

Let me be the first to say that I welcome horse meat into our food chain. I want my meat with history. I want my meat to have belonged to relatives of warrior horses who took an active part in imperial warfare. I want my meat to have helped bring down at least one empire. I want my meat to have pedigree and an elitist background. Now you may call me elitist or snobbish and I can assure you that I am both of those things and I want my ham to represent these ideals too. Is that really too much to ask?

For those who are out of the loop with the whole horse meat scandal, have a look at this:

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